Cashier Tales...

Yesterday I went to the gas station to buy gas and a fountain drink.  I walked into the store and filled up my cup with diet coke, then went to the register to buy the drink and thirty dollars worth of gasoline.  The total came to $30.85.  I presented the cashier with a hundred dollar bill, which prompted her to ask "Do you have anything smaller than that?"  I immediately quipped, "that's what she said."  She then let loose with the most sarcastic "ha, ha, ha" I have ever heard, which led me to believe that she must hear that sort of thing all the time in her line of work.

WTF...

WTF is going on here?  I stumbled upon this little beauty in a Japanese import shop in Astoria, OR a couple of years ago.  Seems kind of....odd?

WTF...

WTF is going on here?  How does this happen?

My favorite head...

I've been a head making maniac (HMM) in 2010.  I'm not sure how many I've made, but I guesstimate the number to be between 50-70.  It seems like I should have a better idea of how many I have made.  Perhaps I should take inventory.  In the meantime, as of this posting, I think this is my favorite 2010 model so far...

Lowest form of conversation...

According to Tony Soprano, the lowest form of conversation is "remember when".  Some people say it's anything related to the weather.  I say nay.  I think there's no lower form of conversation than someone recounting their dreams to another person.  Your dreams are only interesting to yourself (YDAOITY).  I may throw that one in my potential bumper stickers file.  So far I have "liberal bumper sticker" and "I Heart Mormon Pussy".  I also don't like when people describe a particular traffic situation to another person.  That one requires too much work for the person listening.  They have to envision various right and left turn lanes, medians, four way stops, etc.  It's too much, folks.  Too much.  I don't want to think when you're talking to me.  And don't tell people any prepared jokes.  It puts too much pressure on the listener.  It makes the listener mindful of keeping eye contact, not laughing too early, waiting for the punchline, maintaining eye contact, then they get distracted and realize they haven't been listening to the set-up and they're not going to have any idea when they are supposed to laugh because the punchline is not going to make sense.  It's awful.  Stop telling jokes.  I could go on and on.  Something that I don't want to go on and on is this cold snap!  Man alive, is it cold outside!  Goodness gracious, my car said it was 23 degrees outside while I was commuting home tonight.  I know this because I was stuck at a traffic light for ten minutes tonight.  It was ridiculous.  We were in a single lane that was backed up quite a bit.  I gathered that the traffic trying to turn right in our lane was affected by the southbound traffic being backed in the intersecting street.  Meanwhile, all I needed to do was get in the left turn lane.  Thing is, we were backed up and I couldn't reach the turn lane.  I was about three cars behind where the turn starts, but we weren't moving, so I couldn't get to it.  It was frustrating to say the least.  But while I was sitting there in traffic I was afforded some time to think about stuff.  I was thinking about how I was looking forward to getting home and watching the latest episode of Boardwalk Empire.  I very much enjoy having a television show in my life.  I remember when the final episodes of The Sopranos were airing, I absolutely could not wait for Sunday nights.  I remember watching that final episode and looking at my clock and realizing that there's probably only a couple of minutes left in the show, then that Journey song came, Tony keeps looking up to see who's coming into the diner, and everyone coming in looks kind of familiar, and Meadow can't parallel park her car, why is that guy looking at Tony like that and why can't Meadow park her car already.  Oh, it was intense.  I just remember sitting there after it ended.  All I could do was stare at the tv screen.  I remember being really sad, yet satisfied.  Something that did not leave me satisfied was waking up this morning.  I was having this dream where I was back bussing tables at The Hungry Hunter.  It's weird, but working at the Hungry Hunter is the only recurring dream I've ever had in my life.  I've been having them for the past few years.  This one was like all the others.  It was present time and my first day back at Hungry Hunter after having not worked there for years and years.  A lot of the same people were there that I worked with back in the day, yet I don't know their names, just their faces.    There were also new employees working who I didn't know.  This dream was just like the others, in that I was thrown into the rush hour and I couldn't perform my bussing duties in the efficient manner that I was used to.  I suspect it's similar to what star athletes feel when they no longer can perform at a high level.


paulsen



PS     Q:How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
          A:  Some obscure number you've never heard of.

a quote...

"I got a bigger dick than that."

--Zach Galifianakis

Dear Dave...

I hope I haven't hyped Death Ray too much.  Listen to a few, let it marinate, then report back to me.  I don't understand why the hat photo didn't work.  It worked for the first few hours I had the post up.  Maybe Ed Hardy caught wind that I was goofing on his company and he had the photo pulled.  Ed Hardy probably has a lot of pull.  It seems like a lot of dudes really admire his style.  That reminds me, I've been meaning to ask you something.  Do people ever stop you and ask, "Sir, you have an uncanny resemblance to my great grandfather.  My family has his Ellis Island photos, fresh off the boat from Italy, and he's wearing the exact same hat that you are wearing.  Is there any chance I could take a photo with you?  Sadly, my great grandfather was killed during the first World War and my family has no photos of him with any family members.  My grandmother is still alive and I'm sure she would be thrilled to have a picture of you and I together."  I suspect this happens to you every time you go to Target?

Love,

paulsen

A hat for Dave...

Dave, I found a hat that would look pretty good on you.  It's by a brand named "Ed Hardy" and it screams sophistication,  class, and subtlety (SCS).  If you don't like the dragon theme, that's okay because they have lots of other themes to choose from.  They have eagles, bears, and tigers.  They even have classy sailor tattoo themed hats.  I've built up enough store credit to buy any item priced $30 or less at half price.  I could totally get you one.  Let me know, k?

B and A...

Before.....

And after.....

Glazing is fun,

paulsen

Sgraffito style...

I can't believe it's taken me this long to try out this style, but I'm glad I finally have.  Sgraffito, where have you been all of my life?  I look forward to pursuing you, Sgraffito...

New Heads...

I've been working on a new line of heads.  Plaster inspired me to put my little flowers that I like making so much in the eye sockets of my heads.  So I gave it a shot and I liked the results.  Here's the first one, and by being the first head in a new series this head will enjoy the status as a never-for-sale piece.  It's mine all mine.  So far I've made six of them.  They are all taking on a Day of the Dead kind of vibe.  Here's number one...

And speaking of Plaster,  she was kind enough to let me make some head portraits of she and her husband...

In exchange, she was kind enough to paint a topless portrait of my favorite local newscaster....


For some reason I couldn't find the picture of it.  I'll need to make a mental note to document that painting.  In the mean time I found this picture, which happens to be my favorite painting.  Paul Gauguin's 'Woman with a Flower'...

A reminder from Cyclenerd....

Remember to keep an eye out for motorcycles and bicycles when you're out on the road.  They can be hard to see sometimes.  And for you motorcyclists, remember to wear the proper gear and brush up with a defensive riding course from time to time.

"I'd rather go riding than not",

Cyclenerd

Little Book...

I noticed that a co-worker brought in a new trinket for display.  It's a tiny little book.  A tiny little Webster's dictionary. In an effort to provide scale I took a picture of it with my fingers holding it

The first time I saw this little book I opened it up and was confronted with a word I know all too well.  Misanthrope: a person that hates mankind.  Seeing that reminded me that for Halloween last year I dressed up as a heavyset, drunken Larry David.....

Graffiti...

A graffiti artist struck the neighborhood I work in.  Every time I walk over it I ponder.  Just like the Double Rainbow Guy, I wonder "what does it mean?"

Before and After...

These are always fun.  For me, at least.  Here's a pre-glaze shot........

Followed by the post-glaze shot..........

RIP...

A couple of weeks ago one of my heads went to head heaven.  I keep about fifty of my heads hanging on the wall where I work.  There was a glaze spill in the area where this fella was residing.  My co-worker brought the mop out and accidentally knocked over my guy with the mop handle.  Luckily, I documented him some time back.  I remember he was one of the first heads I made after my three year break from ceramics.  During that break I did a number of landscaping projects and started my old myspace blog.  Those two activities were enough to satisfy my creativity, so ceramics took a back seat for a while.  Then, in 08, I ordered a bag of terra cotta clay in an effort to get back on the ceramic horse.  They ended up sending me eight bags of clay.  I took this as a sign that I was supposed to be making a bunch of ceramic stuff.  And make a bunch of ceramic stuff I did.  I tore through those eight bags of terra cotta clay, making enough terra cotta pieces that, I suspect, when my work is viewed in chronological order, this particular stretch will be called my "terra cotta era".  Anyway, I really liked this guy.  He was on of my faves and I'm sorry he's gone.  Sometimes I get attached to the heads that I make, and this was definitely one of them.  God Speed, terra cotta green haired guy with the big black eye.  You will be missed....

And here's a shot after I pulled his remains out of the garbage:

My co-worker felt really bad about the accident, partly because this was the second time he had accidentally killed one of my heads.  He insisted on buying me something to make up for my loss, so he bought me a 3-D plastic rendering of Jon Bon Jovi's shoulder tattoo:

I'm Sure Jon Bon's Skull Will Feel Right at Home Alongside my Plastic Dreamcatcher,

paulsen

Gone Heads (GH)...

These fellas were all sold or bartered over the last couple of months.  I'm really hoping they are enjoying their new homes.

This guy was bartered with.  A neighbor chopped down my tree and he received this for his troubles:

Unfortunately, I failed to photograph some of the heads.  I hate when I do that.  I have a whole lost generation of stuff floating around out there because I was too lazy to document my work.  A lot of stuff from the late nineties that I sold at the end-of-semester pottery sales at college are totally gone.  I probably only documented twenty percent of my work back then, and I was prolific.  I practically lived at the ceramic lab.  I blame having a digital camera that I didn't know how to use.  However, if I ever get around to developing my rolls of film from the late nineties, I should be able to corral a large number of pieces that only exist in my memory right now.  I really should get those films developed before that outdated technology doesn't exist anymore, if it doesn't already.   Damn it, I hate knowing there's a number of GH out there that I don't have documented.  Bums me out, man.


Always Document Your Work,

paulsen

I Captured Osama Bin Laden...

Don't worry.  He's in a safe place and you will be able to buy him soon at www.3sevens.etsy.com


paulsen

Twitter account...

In an effort to increase my presence on the web, I've opened up a twitter account.  Unfortunately, I don't have one of those smart phones so my on-the-scene tweeting capabilities will be rendered useless.  Still....


http://twitter.com/clpaulsen

The Clothes Department at the Truck Stop...

A couple of months ago I stopped off at one of the truck stops in Troutdale to buy a fountain drink.  I had spent the previous four hours hiking and the last hour of that hike thinking of nothing but how refreshing a  fountain drink would be.  I reached the truck stop and was pleasantly surprised to see that they shared real estate with Popeye's.  In addition to my fountain drink I was able to sample a Popeye's Po Boy chicken sandwich, which was really good.  I even kept the pickles on the sandwich so as to experience the Po Boy the way God intended.  I must say, I think I may turn into a pickle guy.  Oddly enough, I had my first pickle at a truck stop about four years ago.  I believe my buddy Dave documented the event in photographic form.  That's probably the only "first" in my life that's ever been captured.  Speaking of capturing images, here's some shots I took of the clothes they sell at the Troutdale Truck Stop....


For people that only purchase Christian items:

This would probably go best with a nice denim mini:

I love funny shirts.  My buddy Packy's dad wears a shirt that says "What part of 'you don't get it' don't you get?"  This one is less complicated but just as clever and funny:

They also had some rock and roll shirts for sale.  I narrowed my choices to these two:

I ended up purchasing the Skynyrd shirt because I really like Skynyrd.  However, I can't wear it in public because of the whole Confederate flag thing.  And it's Skynyrd, so people would probably think I'm trying to be ironic or something.  Which leads me declare that from here on out I will only wear solid colored t-shirts, preferably from Banana Republic or Eddie Bauer.  I've sampled those brands and determined they make a fine product.  In the interest of full disclosure, I should add that my Drive By Trucker t-shirts, as well as my North Face sport-fit t-shirts will still be in my rotation under a Grandfather Clause.  So really what I'm saying is this:  all future t-shirt purchases will be of solid color with no advertisements.  I suspect this will make me appear mysterious, but that's okay.


Keep on Truckin',


paulsen

Book idea....

Someone should go and take pictures of flaggers at construction sites and make a book.  Actually that sounds totally outdated.  It would probably be more apropo to just make a website dedicated to flaggers.  Here's my entry:

Photo Blog...

This is a picture of George Washington's nose:

Race Studies...

Last month I went to the shop on a Sunday.  I went with the intentions of logging some hours in the studio and banging out heads.  When I got to the shop and started to unload my tools, I realized I had left everything at home.  So I decided to sit in my car and listen to the Stern show, which kept me occupied for a few hours.  During those few hours I noticed a trend:  There was a steady stream of Latino Americans parking their cars in SE Industrial and walking towards the Esplanade.  The following day I asked my co-worker Ignacio why there were so many Latinos in the neighborhood.  He told me there was a concert by some rock band that has a large following in Mexico.  They were playing in a tent on one of the vacant lots that the city owns.  So it all made sense.  The Latinos came out in droves to the SE Industrial area to watch a concert by a Mexican rock and roll band.  Here's some mental notes I took during my few hours of Latino gazing....


---A large majority of the guys had very ordinary cars with shiny after-market rims.

---A large majority of the guys had those new fangled MMA inspired t-shirts.  Lots of skulls and lettering on the back.  Lots of stuff going on with the t-shirts.  I'm not sure where they sell these shirts, but I see them frequently.  Next time I'm at Fred Meyer I'll look for them and try one on.  I predict I'll feel like a tough guy but look like a douche.

---A large majority of the gals had toddlers in tow.  The gals were also very small.  Some of them appeared disgruntled and put upon.

---Much like 'The Jersey Shore', it seemed as though the guys put more effort into their appearance than the gals.  I'm starting to think this is a trend that's not going to go away.  I first became aware of the "guys turning into chicks" theory last summer when 'Jersey Shore' premiered.  I noticed further evidence this summer when I spent a few days with my old pal Jason.  Jason tans, talks about where to get good deals on clothes, wears jewelry, openly raved about the new hair product he just discovered, and he insisted on wearing sandals with jeans.  Jason 1998 would have made fun of Jason 2010 for sure.  And then the theory was reenforced recently with the Latino guys.  Guys in this country are slowly but surely acquiring feminine traits, and it appears to not be relegated to a particular race.  As evidence I point to the Italian Americans on 'Jersey Shore', the Latino Americans of the Portland area, and my white friend Jason.


GTL,

paulsen

Weight gain...

From the photos I've seen it looks like half the cast of Jersey Shore has gained some weight since last summer.


I Think I had Enough Characters to Tweet This Post,

paulsen

Titty Licker Cunt Manipulater (TLCM)...

I'm surprised blogger allowed me to have NO tiltle on the previous post, yet found this one okay. 


Mel Gibson is THE Man,

paulsen






















PS  Mel Gibson is being railroaded.  Sure, he's a dick.  But c'mon....

This is a good thing that this whole Chris Paul thing didn't go down.  If he's in Portland it drives everyone to him when people do a google search of "Chris Paulsen, Portland".  I need those two people looking for me, not him.  Fuck Chris Paul (sen).


Don't Give up Batum for the Love of God,

paulsen

Nectarine and Chicken Salad...

Yesterday I cleaned out the fridge and put together a pretty decent salad.  So decent that I'm willing to share the recipe on my web log:


Bed of baby spinach and green leaf lettuce
two nectarines
two ears of corn (grilled on the bbq)
two chicken breasts (teriyaki marinade, grilled on bbq)
ten stalks of asparagus (grilled on bbq)
two slices of swiss cheese (cut into little bitty pieces)
half a cucumber (diced)


dressing:

the juice and gatherings from an overripe mango (squeezed through a sieve)
a splash of cran/strawberry/banana juice
tablespoon of cream cheese



In hindsight I should have thrown some nuts in there.  And the swiss cheese part would probably work better with one of those fancy dry crumbled cheeses.


Enjoy,

paulsen

Stuff on my ipod...

This afternoon I was listening to my ipod and I stumbled upon Enya's Greatest Hits.  I listened to the whole thing and I loved it.  I didn't even bother to stop listening while I moved my bowels.  And that made me wonder if any guy, or gal, had ever listened to Enya with the headphones on while taking the Browns to the Super Bowl.  I can see listening to Enya while prancing through the forest.  I can imagine someone listened to Enya while painting.  I am certain Enya has been heard while sex is being peformed.  Penetrative, as well as oral, although it seems like it would be rude to wear headphones while that is happening.  I can see some goth kid having a midnight picinc at a graveyard while listening to Enya.  I've actually done that before, but I was listening to the Gin Blossoms when it happened.  Surely, somewhere last week a woman north of thirty five listened to Enya while gardening, but I doubt that she took a grumpy while listening to Enya.  No way. 

Book Club...

I received some books from the library this weekend.  The first book I started reading is called "Inside Delta Force".  It's written by this fella who was one of the founding charter members of the elite counterterrorism unit known as Delta Force.  This book is making me feel like a pussy.  If I finish this book I'm going to have to read "Superfudge" immediately afterwards to feel better about myself.

Comments...

I just checked Bill Simmon's Twitter page to see what he had to say about the World Cup match.  There was a link on one of his tweets to an article in US Weekly that mentions something that Adam Carolla said on Simmon's podcast.  Corolla mentioned that maybe Jennifer Aniston thinks like a man, and that might be why she's single at 41.  He also made a joke about her sleeping her way through Hollywood, Gerard Butler style.  Pretty tame stuff really.  But I was more interested in the comments that this "story" produced.  Here's one that caught my eye:


this kind chauvinstic men, that why jen has many attackers from losers like this and many other loosrs.who can'nt handle strong single successful woman. it shows from thier statment.

A Full Day...(part one)

Last week it stopped raining for one day.  I decided to take advantage of the weather and make a day of it.  Here's a breakdown of the comings and goings:


I cooked a breakfast of french toast, scrambled eggs, bacon, and grapes which I washed down with a glass of milk.  I then headed to the bathroom and performed my daily ablutions, which afforded me the opportunity to thumb through my hiking book and pick out a spot to go visit.  I decided I would head out to the Angel's Rest trail out in the Gorge.  The description sounded pleasing and relatively easy, and seeings how it was my first hike of the season "easy" sounded pretty good to me.  Before I could leave though I needed to tend to some household chores.  I unloaded the dishwasher, then mowed the lawn in record time.  Usually I prefer to add some flair with the mower marks, going in S curves and stuff like that, but seeings how time was of the essence I kept it fairly pedestrian:

After the lawn was mowed I packed my backpack with a bottle of water, towel, ipod, and a big bag of trail mix.  I fired up DBT's "Southern Rock Opera" disc one as I hit the road and headed for the Gorge.  On the way out there I happened to have my camera ready when I passed Jesse James (the disgraced Nazi memorabilia collecting reality TV star who cheated on my Hollywood girlfriend, not the train robber):

When I arrived at the trail head I realized that I wasn't the only one who thought it would be a neat idea to go hiking at Angel's Rest.  There must have been at least a hundred cars total, many spilling out of the parking area onto the side road.  I mentally prepared myself for the onslaught of polite "hellos" that was going to be required  once the hike gets under way.  The hike entailed an elevation gain of 1600 ft, which didn't look that daunting when I saw it in the book.  Neither did the 4.6 miles round trip.  I quickly realized that it was going to be daunting for me because I'm a giant baby and I hate walking uphill.  To get to where the angels rest, I was going to need to walk a whole bunch of uphill.  Great.  Here's some thoughts I had while hiking:

1.  What is the exact etiquette on the trail when it comes to passing?  On the way up I was submissive to the folks walking down, but I seemed to be the only one in either direction being submissive.  When I was on my descent I realized that it's much more difficult to stop and let people pass while going downhill.  Yet, no one was stopping for me while I was heading downhill.  Even if I figure out the proper etiquette I doubt anyone else will.  That is, unless they post signs on the trail that remind folks to yield to those going downhill.  Even then, I doubt it would do much because....

2.  There were a number of bros, or dudes, on the trail.  Most were topless, husky, and tattooed poorly (THTP).  They seemed to have zero interest in saying hello or yielding.  They were typical bros, or dudes.

3.  I was reminded how refreshing stream water can be.  On the way down I stopped off at the stream crossing and splashed my face numerous times.  I felt like a million bucks afterwards.  I was also able to wash my hands, which were sticky from snacking on my giant bag of trail mix.  A simple pleasure for sure.

4.  Every time I go anywhere in the Gorge I always see a large group of Asians.  They are never dressed for hiking, always dressed for sight seeing.  Lots of cameras.  A walking stereotype.  I can only assume that the pacific northwest is a popular vacation destination for Asians.

5.  I overheard three different hiking parties discussing medications.  This served as further evidence that this country of ours is pro pill popping (PPP).  Enough already with the over-medication of everybody.

6.  I saw two black guys on the trail.  When I lived in SE Portland I could go months without ever seeing a person of color, yet two sightings on the trail.  Is that racist?  Am I allowed to notice and comment on things like that?

7.  Women seem to enjoy multitasking their exercise with gossip.  Every group of gals out on the trail was wearing workout clothes and chatting up a storm while they hiked.  Is that sexist?  Am I allowed to notice and comment on things like that?


Eventually I made it to the top of the the trail.  In the interest of full disclosure I should say that I had a hard time reaching the top.  I hate walking uphill, but lots of quiet swearing and a whole lot of sweating proved to be worth it.  The landscape was trippy due to a fire back in the nineties, the view was fantastic, and the bag of trail mix was tremendous.  Here's some photos from the top:

In the spirit of purchasing a t shirt at the rock show to prove to everyone you were there, I have inserted a photo of myself at the top to prove that, in fact, I was here:

On the way down the trail I spotted some petroglyphs.  I love happening upon these things.  They inspire wonder.  Often when I come across these ancient wonders I wonder how much things have changed.  What did this view look like when this rock was carved into?  What must it have been like to be a Hunter and Gatherer?  Did shooting stars scare people?  Did Dwight and Jessie face discrimination as a same sex couple?

To Be Continued,

paulsen

Still Testing...

Here's a photo of a head before the glaze is applied:

Here's a photo of the same head after the glaze has been applied:

This was another test to determine the proper way to display photos on here.  I think I figured out how to place the text first followed by the photo.  This will be important when it comes to photo punchlines.



Figuring This Thing Out,

paulsen

One more test for today...

The goal for this post is to see if I can upload more than one photo. If this works successfully the two photos should be of new ceramic work.

Last Test Today,

paulsen

Another test...

Here's another photo of some recent ceramic work. This is the first in my "horn" series.

Still Kicking the Tires,

paulsen