Tales of the Unemployed...

I've spent the last six weeks or so being unemployed.  Overall it's been kind of boring.  I miss interacting with human beings, even if I generally don't care for them too much.  My laughs per day (LPD) have dropped significantly since my layoff.  However, being unemployed has allowed me some time to explore other life options.  One of those options has been manscaping.  I finally have the time to sculpt my body hair in ways I could only imagine while I was employed.  Last week I realized a dream I've held for nearly 20 years when I sculpted the timeless "man in the maze" Native American design into my pubic hair.  It took me four and a half hours to complete, which is weird because I've never spent more than an hour on any of my ceramic sculptures.  I was quite pleased with the results.  So pleased I photographed my work in an effort to archive one of my greatest works.  In the interest of decency, I will not post the pictures here on my blog.  Just know that I was very pleased with my work.  Another life option I've been exploring is physical fitness via a gymnasium membership.  I've been easing into this life option, mostly just using the treadmill and stairmaster.  After two weeks of just focusing on those activities I graduated to using the body shaping machines, focusing mostly on my arms.  I've never been confident with the toning on my arms.  I started feeling so good about myself that last week I decided I would swim laps in the pool.  I even purchased some swimming goggles.  After a light workout on the treadmill I ventured into the locker room to change into my swim trunks.  I should note that I don't have a whole lot of locker room experience.  It's a place I've tried to avoid my whole life.  I decided I would avoid all eye contact and get out of there ASAP (as soon as possible).  I found a locker stall, got my swim trunks out, then disrobed.  It was at this moment that some guy walked into the locker room and stopped in his tracks.  He was standing ten feet in front of me.  I was topless, my gym shorts around my ankles, and too startled to grab a towel to cover myself.  The man then made eye contact with me, smiled, and pointed at my private parts.  He asked me, "Hey man, are you Yavapai?  I'm Pasqua Yaqui."

Books...

My mom informed me that she just finished reading her latest book.  It was called 'Sins and Needles'.  The book she read last week was called 'Sticks and Scones'.  My mom is a huge fan of pun literature.

Dave...

This is just a test to see if you are actually reading my web log.  You gave me sh*t for not posting enough, yet I can't even tell if you are reading this ridiculous area of the web.  I'll say this this...your family policy on no one wearing shoes in the house is going to cause an accident.  All it's gong to take is a guest to reenact Billie Jean and there's going to be a fall.  Your floors are too clean,  Scuff em up, bra.

Scuff,

paulsen

Cashier Tales...

The day after Christmas I went to the gas station to purchase gasoline and a fountain drink.  When I approached the cashier the guy said to me, "How you doing, man?"  I said, "I'm doing all right.  How 'bout you?"  The cashier then says, "Oh, I'm doing good except I punctured my hand yesterday trying to open up a Christmas gift."  I offer up to the cashier a folksy "I hope it was a good gift".  The cashier lit up as he said, "Oh, it was!  I'm a huge Indianapolis Colts fan and my girlfriend got me some Colts floormats for my truck."

New Plowl...

I've been making a bunch of platter/shallow bowls/plates.  I'm not sure what I should call them.  For now I'm calling them plowls.  Here's an example of one of the first ones I made.  I think Erica in Customer Service bought this one.

Cashier Tales...

Yesterday I went to the gas station to buy gas and a fountain drink.  I walked into the store and filled up my cup with diet coke, then went to the register to buy the drink and thirty dollars worth of gasoline.  The total came to $30.85.  I presented the cashier with a hundred dollar bill, which prompted her to ask "Do you have anything smaller than that?"  I immediately quipped, "that's what she said."  She then let loose with the most sarcastic "ha, ha, ha" I have ever heard, which led me to believe that she must hear that sort of thing all the time in her line of work.

WTF...

WTF is going on here?  I stumbled upon this little beauty in a Japanese import shop in Astoria, OR a couple of years ago.  Seems kind of....odd?